Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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