i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
