My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
