Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
