You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
