a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
