i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
