y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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