I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
