I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
