At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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