there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
