Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
