In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
