oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
