We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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