yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
