i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
