Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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