I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
