He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
