I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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