considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
