Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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