No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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