At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
