i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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