Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
