So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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