We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There r osticjed everywhere
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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