I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
