Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
