i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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