Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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