So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
