I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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