I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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