I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
