Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
