Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
