I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
