you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
