New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
