I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
