just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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