I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
