So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
