At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
