why didn't you poke me back
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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