she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
