Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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