Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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