btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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