But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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