Nicole vs. Life
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize