i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
