Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize