guys are only as good as the porn they watch
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
