My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
