Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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