Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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