i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
