people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
