I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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