Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
