he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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