my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
