how can u be prego again
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
