I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have started to decorate penises.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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