So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
