Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
