I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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