I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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