i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
